CWF #18 Page #2
Though
there was no visible support at the arenas for the writings of the Mauler, he
claimed to have his fans.
“I’d like to begin by
saying that I very much appreciate all the cards and letters which have come to
me saying, ‘Missouri Mauler, we the people of Florida really liked the way you
have restored honor and dignity to wrestling in our home state.’
It
has always been important to me that people have a man they can respect and look
up to.”
Mauler begins to get
defensive regarding rumors he isn’t defending the Florida TV Title.
“As
your television champion, I feel that I should make a report on what’s
happening in that department from time to time. Well, I’d just like to say
that I have been defending my TV title with consistent regularity against all
the top competitors who have issued a challenge to me. I certainly hope you
won’t listen to any of the rumors that I am not defending this championship
against all comers, because these are dirty lies which were probably started by
Dusty Rhodes and some of his hoodlum friends. Now, most of you know that is a
dirty lie, and I have my ideas as to who started it. Just the other day, I
received the following letter:
Dear
Missouri Mauler,
We
the undersigned think you are the finest television champion Florida has ever
had. You have met and defeated the best opponents who have dared to challenge
you. You are a real credit to wrestling, and the state of Florida.
My fellow Americans, the
above letter was signed by over two hundred good, solid citizens of the state of
Florida. The people believe in me and know that I am their champion and would
never lie to them. But the dirty rumors persist. I don’t know how these people
who start these rumors can sleep at night or look themselves in the face the
next morning unless they have no conscience at all, but these foul untruths are
still being spoken in the back alleys, in the beer joints and pool halls and
such places as unsavory individuals hang out.”
The Mauler bares his soul
and shares his views on sportsmanship.
“This
week, I’d like to discuss the matter of good sportsmanship. I have always
believed in good sportsmanship, just as Mr. Hunter and the other members of our
organization do. When a wrestler fails to be a good sport, I think it is the
duty of the public to call this fact to his attention and let them know that
they will not support him unless he observes the rules and conducts himself like
a gentleman in and out of the ring. President Truman once said ‘Sportsmanship
is to athletics what integrity is to politics,’ and my fellow Americans, I
share the president’s views on this matter. In view of this, I hope that each
and every one of you will avail yourselves of the opportunity to tell the Brisco
brothers how unsportsmanlike it was of them to remove the Assassin’s mask.
This man has a perfect right to wear a mask if he wants to. It’s like that
great American, Jesse James, always said, ‘It’s
the man behind the mask that counts!”
Wrestlers
began to feel the literary wrath of Hamilton’s pen.
“As
my people here in Florida know, Jack Brisco was quite the fair-haired boy just a
few years ago. It troubled me to
see this, because Jack Brisco is not the sort of person our American youth
should be encouraged to look up to. Jack
Brisco pollutes his body with strong drink.
He keeps late hours and does not honor a strict training routine.
Although he is not yet thirty years old, you can tell by the dark circles under
his eyes and that gaunt, hollow look about his face that he has led a dissipated
life. It is like President Truman always says, never turn your back on an
Oklahoma Indian. I don’t know how
many times I’ve tried to explain this to Pak Song, and so has Rock Hunter.
Unfortunately for Pak Song, he comes from a country where thieving,
backstabbing (expletive deleted) like Jack Brisco aren’t tolerated.
It’s hard for him to realize that something like this could happen.”
“Billy
Robinson, I happen to think you’re in the country illegally. Since you’re scared to wrestle me for my southern
heavyweight championship, I’m going to have to take steps to have you
deported. You’d better pack your
baggy tweeds in your steamer trunk, boy, because I’m going to send you back to
England just the way my ancestors sent yours back to England two hundred years
ago!”
“My
friends tell me that this Norvel Austin is going around running his mouth about
how he’d like to wrestle me. All I’ve got to say is, boy, what makes you
think you’re good enough to get in the same ring with the Missouri Mauler? You
go around wearing elevator shoes and that hat that looks like a lid for a bushel
basket and that suit that Dusty Rhodes gave to Goodwill Industries and you think
you’re the fanciest dude in town. Give me more of your lip, boy, and I’ll
show you what we do to fancy dudes back in Missouri.”
“My
fellow Americans, I know that a lot of you must be wondering how people like
Dusty Rhodes, Ray Candy and Greg Valentine get so corrupt in their thinking and
the things they do. Well, I’ll tell you one reason: They waste the years of
their youth hanging around saloons and pool halls, keeping late hours and
associating with unsavory companions. I always make it a point to be especially
careful of the company I keep, and I sincerely encourage each and every one of
you to do the same.”
Dusty
Rhodes, the top babyface in CWF, would become a favorite target of the Mauler.
“I’ve been getting cards
and letters from all over Florida, as well as from Texas and my home state of
Missouri, saying, ‘Missouri Mauler, the
people are proud of your for the way you got rid of that no-account Dusty Rhodes!’
Well, I’d just like to offer my humble thanks to the many fine citizens who
have supported me in my efforts to clean up the sport of wrestling.
In the case of Dusty Rhodes, I did just exactly what I said I was going
to do. I believe it was President
Truman who said, ‘A man always ought to do what he sets out to do,’ and that’s
the motto I try to live by.”
“Well, it seems like Dusty
Rhodes didn’t get enough. I whipped him like a dog and messed him up to where
I thought he’d have sense enough to get out of wrestling, go back to Texas,
and dig ditches for a living like he used to do! Another thing, Rhodes, don’t
bother running. As big, fat and
ugly as you are, I could find you anywhere.
You’re scared to go back to Texas and wrestle, because that’s where
the Funks call home. If you went to
Missouri, every red-blooded citizen of the state would be on the lookout for you
and they’d tell me where you was because I am a very respected man in my home
state. You can go to any home in
Missouri and you’ll find three pictures on the wall: Jesse James, President
Truman and The Missouri Mauler!”
“Dusty Rhodes, you are just
plain out of luck. You may be tough, you and that bird-brained Texas friend of
yours, Dick Murdoch, but you’re not tough enough to mix it up with the Rock
Hunter Organization. The Funks, who are also Texans, but who are gentlemen of
quality, gave me to understand a few things about you, boy. I got the whole
low-down from Dory Funk, Jr., and I know for a fact that you are nothing but a
low-down, gizzard-lipped hog thief.”
“I guess I don’t need to
tell anybody that Dusty Rhodes is shaking in his boots, wondering what’s going
to happen to him when he goes up against me in a taped fist match. You ducked
out for as long as you could, fat man, but after the way I humiliated you on TV
the other day, I guess you realize that you’ve either got to go through with
it or tuck your tail and run back to Texas like the dirty, yellow hog-thief you
are!”
“Last week, Dusty Rhodes
made some remarks which really don’t merit a reply, but since I am an honest
man and an upright citizen who is interested in protecting his good name, I feel
that I should make some comments on the dirty lies that Rhodes told about me.
First of all, I am not jealous of Dusty Rhodes. I’ll be jealous of that fat,
out-of-shape, gizzard-lipped freak the day President Truman joins the Republican
Party! As for Dusty Rhodes being pretty, he’s about as pretty as a hog’s
hind end! Now, those women that Dusty Rhodes brags about liking him so much
don’t interest me one bit. I have never associated with loose and promiscuous
women of the sort who would follow Dusty Rhodes around and I never will!”
Dusty
Rhodes strikes back and injures the Mauler’s manager, Rock Hunter.
“As most of you know by
now, Rock Hunter was brutally set upon in a most cowardly fashion by one Dusty
Rhodes. Mr. Hunter was hurt, we don’t know how badly just yet, but we do know
that Rhodes is going to pay dearly for the wrong he has done! If I am fortunate
enough to get that fat, gizzard-lipped freak in the ring, I’m going to give
him a beating the likes of which hasn’t ever been seen in this part of the
country. I hope that anyone who has a weak stomach will stay home when and if I
can get Rhodes to meet me in the squared circle, because what’s going to
happen won’t be a pretty sight!”
“What has happened to Rock
Hunter reminds me very much of the fate which befell a great man from Missouri,
Jesse James. James was a fine man who fought for justice. He was done in by a
cowardly attack by a man who would’ve never had the guts to stand up to him
man-to-man. This is exactly what happened to Rock Hunter when Dusty Rhodes
jumped him from behind and injured him so badly that his future in the sport of
wrestling still remains in doubt. Rhodes, you are a marked man. You call
yourself ‘The American Dream,’ but you will be remembered as the same kind
of dirty, yellow, back-stabbing coward that Robert Ford was.”
The
Mauler considers life after wrestling and entering the world of politics.
“In September of 1971, when I took a couple of weeks off to visit friends back in Missouri, I made my customary stop at independence, the home of President Truman. It was always an uplifting experience talking with this great statesman.
It was on this particular
occasion that he said ‘Missouri Mauler,
as you know I have followed your athletic career in both the amateur and the
professional ranks, and it is my opinion that you are a man of exceeding
character and judgment. I’d like you to know that I consider you to be the
kind of man our state needs in the House of Representatives because you believe
in what is right-you believe in justice! I
hope you will decide to become a candidate one of these days, and if you do I
want you to know that you have my wholehearted support!’ I was very
flattered by president Truman’s acknowledging the fact that I believe in what
is right--that I believe in justice! And
it is because justice has not been done that I am appealing to my friends here
in Florida at this very moment. As you know, The Assassin won the Southern
Heavyweight Championship, then had it stolen
from him by Dusty Rhodes and Jerry Brisco. This is not justice, and it is not
right!”
“I know a lot of you good
people have voted in elections here recently. I did the same thing, I cast my
absentee ballot by mail because I was too busy cleaning up wrestling in Florida
to take the time off to go back to Missouri and vote.
My friends back there tell me there has been a huge write-in campaign to
make me a state senator. I really hadn’t wanted to get into any political
office right at the moment. It’s like I told President Truman back in 1972
when he asked me to run for the U.S. House of Representatives. I had to explain
that, despite the fact my home state needs me, I have to finish my wrestling
career first, and that I won’t be able to enter politics for many more
years.”
After retiring from wrestling
in the early 1980s, the Mauler returned home to Missouri, never realizing his
dream of running for the House of representatives. Hamilton passed away from a
heart attack on July 20, 1996 at the age of sixty-five. RIP.
Harry S. Truman, the
thirty-third President of the United States, passed away at the age of
eighty-eight years old on Tuesday, December 26, 1972 in Kansas City's Research
Hospital and Medical Center. He is buried at the Harry S. Truman library in
Independence, MO.
Jerry Prater ceased
publishing “The Grapevine” in 1987 after the Crockett buyout, and subsequent
end of Championship Wrestling From Florida. Prater, who had been involved with
publishing the weekly program for over twenty years, lives in Cross City,
Florida.
All questions, queries, and comments are welcomed at Manof1000holds@aol.com.
NEXT MONTH:
Ray Stevens and Beau James create havoc in CWF!